This week….
Has been another tough one.
My 93 year old Nan has just made a huge decision. She has decided to move from her little unit into assisted care this. And she has been talking about making the move for a while now, so it shouldn't be a big surprise.
Up until Christmas, she was super independent - she was still driving, doing her shopping, still cooking cakes + scones, still able to live independently.
But it is all happening far too quickly for me.
Today….
I left my house today, my front porch full of her pot plants. My house smells of geraniums. I went up to her unit to pick up the toys that my kids leave there to play with every Friday after they have stuffed their faces full of the sweet treats she bakes for us.
But her little unit while full of her things, it is empty. Her essence is not in that unit anymore.
I popped in to see her + new room. Her friends are popping in to visit, her pictures are on the wall. Soon it will be hers.
But not yet.
I can't even figure out how I feel at the moment, I can home + hugged Mac + the kids. Then I locked myself in the studio + painted.
I think this sums it up… Today...
Tomorrow…
Once Nan settles in + it becomes the new normal, I am sure that these churning feelings will dissipate. And in my heart, I know this is what she wants - she lives life on her own terms. Always has.
Have a great weekend.
Your picture made me cry - it is so hard to think of a woman that used to take care of you to need care of her own - not as invincible as she seemed when you were a child. Change is so hard and bittersweet - at least your Nan decided she was ready and willing to move to assisted care under her own terms. So many do not have that privilege - she sounds like a special lady!
ReplyDeleteMy own grandmother (also in her 90's) is living with my mother now. She used be a big and beautiful and strong woman, but now she just looks like a little bird. Her body shrank, although her mind and her soul remain big. I know how it feels to see someone, who was a pillar for your life, loosing their strength. You get used to it, but it never stops to sadden you. Take heart. She will be fine!!!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you have a heavy heart at the moment. Although this painting comes from a sad place, it is absolutely beautiful xo
ReplyDeleteThank you! you have summed up my feelings so perfectly! and you are totally right - I am privileged even now that although she is moving on, it is on her own terms, while she is still able + and from all accounts she is now the 'bell of the ball' so to speak :) Thanks again x
ReplyDeleteEfi - that is totally my nan too! Thank you for your beautiful comments. x
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